Ian

From Cheesypedia

ian was born in New Bedford, Massachusetts at age 2 in 1991. His parents forced him into traditional strict boarding schools, but he longed for the sea. It is therefore no surprise that in the summer of 2003 Ian left the land behind to see the world and it's oceanic wonders. Sailing with a seal hunting vessel to Japan and back, Ian gained experience in sailing and leadership, and became the captain of his own vessel, Mother Teresa's Revenge, which he has commanded ever since. A hardened sea dog, Ian put all of his trials and tribulations at sea into writing, leaving out nothing in his tell all autobiography, My Life. Those wishing for a novel with adventure, action, romance, and themes surrounding a journey to truth, My Life is a perfect choice.

Crusade against Ron Paulology

While innocently grocery shopping, he was approached by a Ron Paul kook. Needless to say, ian verbally (then later physically) raped the innocent person like any knowledgeable sea captain would. Upon this he promptly came to the board to complain about his experience, naturally leaving out the last bit that I made up, and announced his hatred for Ron Paul, which was met with widespread agreeance.